I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
