Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
