i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
