I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
