So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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