that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
