apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
