somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You made out with two different species that night
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
