You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
