your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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