I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Farmville is her only friend.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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