Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
