So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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