omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize