Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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