I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
