True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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