I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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