Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize