Nicole vs. Life
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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