just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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