i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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