Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
