do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize