I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
