He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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