We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
