the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
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It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
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They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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