do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
