WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
