Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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