Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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