already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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