Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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