you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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