i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
