That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she smelled like a LAN party
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
