I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize