It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
