we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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