Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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