I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
