We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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