Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
