I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
