I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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