Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
