If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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