My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
