my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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