It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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