He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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