i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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