I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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