There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
