Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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