There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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