if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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